Christmas without you

Christmas time.  I have never been a fan of this Christmas holiday season, and specially now I don’t feel like celebrating or joyful at all.

I had a wonderful childhood, we couldn’t wait to go to my uncles and aunts houses each night before Christmas to have our “posadas”.  Christmas was great at my grandma’s house, all of us in this small living room, that back then seemed big.  She would set up this beautiful Christmas tree with an enormous Nativity set on the bottom.  Huge piles of Christmas presents surrounded the tree.

I loved those times very much, so there’s no logical explanation to why I don’t feel the Christmas spirit as people say.  Since I was a young adult I started to feel this way about the Holiday season.

This year, is even harder.  Last year was the first Christmas without my dear father, but some how I managed to get through it all right.  This year though, it is very hard.  It is only the beginning of December and I can feel the emptiness already, the struggle.

I keep asking why my father was taken so soon.  Why I don’t get to spend Christmas with him.  Why my daughters can’t give his grandfather a Christmas hug.  Why, why, why.

So many questions, no answers.  And no way to mend my broken heart.

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